being the tiny one

I've always been the smallest of all my friends. The lightest. The prettiest. But lately I've noticed that I'm just not the smallest or the lightest anymore. Actually, most of my friends are my size. My "normal" size. And if I am the smallest its because of my height, certainly not because of my weight. I hate not being tiny!! I hate being chubby. I hate feeling the fat on my body. Like I'm in a fat suit and the real me is just begging to escape. I want to be a teeny, tiny, miniature version of the person I am now. I will be so small once I lose 15 or 20 pounds! I will be the smallest, tiniest version of me ever! When I was down to 105 lbs one of my best friends used the phrase "You are so tiny! You almost look anorexic!" Ahhh, music to my ears! I just keep letting those words play over and over and over again in my head. I am better than everyone else because I don't need food to survive. Motivation. Thinspiration. Starve on.