So far day one has been great. The thing with ana is, if anyone can relate, I either feel it or I don't. I mean really, really feel the passion and the desire to starve. When the feeling of hunger is what I dream of. The way my weak muscles beg me to stop after running mile after mile. Feeling my hands shake when I'm trying to type or the thought of 500 calories being way to much. That is when ana is strongest. And then there are periods of time when I am weak. When hunger pains make me feel sick. When the thought of eating 1200 calories seems to little for such an athletic person like me. When skipping breakfast or dinner is just unacceptable because I know it is unhealthy and my metabolism will slow. Those are the times when ana is the weakest. And I really hate it when ana is at her weakest.
But now she is at her strongest. So far, 400 calories for the day and I just ran 4 miles. The rest of today, I will consume iced tea and water. I don't feel hungry yet and I'm mad about that. That means I ate too much at lunch because I ate at 1:30 and it is now 6 oclock so I really should be hungry. Damnit!
This morning's weight is: 12o lbs :( I am a disgusting fat cow
Hiatus from Sanity
4 months ago