Monday, July 12, 2010

I wish I could tell you ladies that I am losing but the fact is I have done the exact opposite. I have managed to balloon up to a whopping 121 pounds. Keep in mind that my ultimate high weight is 123 so I am only 2 pounds away from my high weight. Omg this is terrible!! Thankfully I ate great today 700ish calories. I was doing so well I can't believe vacation ruined everything. On a good note I am laying in bed and my stomach is growling so that means I am hungry. Yay.

I was watching the Oprah show today at the gym and they had this author on the show who wrote a book about women, god, and food. Now I am not a firm believer in the man upstairs but I did relate a lot to what these women were saying about food being comfort and eating for taste not for hunger. Eating until they feel so full they want to puke and then hating themselves afterwards. This is often how I feel after eating. Except, 2 main factors I feel separate me from these women. First of all, I feel like that even after eating a salad and a boca burger. No matter what I eat I am filled with an extreme amount of self loathing. Secondly, I am not going to sit back and let myself feel this way. I am going to DO something about it. I'm not going to let myself be just another 30 something woman 20 pounds overweight and eating my sorrows. I will starve and I will be thinner than everyone else because I am better and stronger then all those women out there. Starve in my loves!!

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