Sooo fat

My fiance and I hosted a party tonight and I ate sooo much! Partly because people would think it was odd that I wasn't eating or drinking (I don't drink alcohol much because I end up eating when I'm drunk always). I also ate because, hell, it was my party! So I had 3 pieces of pizza, buffalo chicken dip, and about 8 chocolate chip cookies! That was about 3 hours ago and I still feel nauseous.

Tomorrow starts abc!! So excited to feel an empty stomach. I also am still staying under 30 grams of carbs at least for a few days. My weight is slowly creeping up on me. I was at 116.3 yesterday. Yuck!! My pants are starting to get tight on me again and I can feel my belly jiggle growing.

I used to work with this girl who I still see all the time and she has always been very pretty but she used to be my size, maybe a little bigger and last year she lost like 20 pounds and everyone was always saying how good she looked. And then she lost another 10 pounds or so and now there are whispers that she might have an ED and I'm so jealous. I want people to whisper about me then I would know I was successful.




She's so skinny I want to be her!